


You Are Art

by darknessdistraction



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Agent Reign, Aggression, Aggressive Lena Luthor, Alex protects everyone, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Anxiety, Anxious Kara Danvers, Comfort, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Healing, Homosexuality, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Issues, Lena Hates Everything, Lena Luthor Gets a Hug, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lesbians, Lillian Luthor Being an Asshole, Love, Mental Health Influences Relationship, Mental Health Issues, No superheroes, Open Homosexuality, Passive-aggression, Protective Siblings, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Stress, Therapy, anger issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-01-02 07:38:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21158018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darknessdistraction/pseuds/darknessdistraction
Summary: "I'm not gonna tattoo this on you.""Why not?""It looks bad, you will regret it.""It is not your business how I look, is it?""...Yeah, right."Or: Anxious girl wants a tattoo and somehow the savage tattoo artist refuses to give it to her because, well, she's not gonna ruin this gorgeous artwork of a body.But somehow this is not everything and they start to fall into a spiral of love and hurt and stress and comfort.I will go down with this ship or this ship is gonna go down with me.





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to this journey!  
The story will start with Chapter 1, this prologue is trying to give you some foreshadowing on what kind of person Lena is. I also promise, she doesn't mean anything of it, she really tries her best. :)  
Updating will be every Wednesday :)

**2006.**

Lena stood besides her brother’s motionless body, not moving, staying still. A single drop of blood fell from her finger, reaching the wooden floor with a noise that was almost scaringly loud to Lena.

The whole room was in completely silence, empty, with only Lena standing there and staring at Lex. His face was swollen in several shades of blue, red and purple, the smallest creek of blood running out of his nose and the mouth lacking of teeth.

_What have I done, what have I done, what have I done. _

The door swung open behind her. Lena didn’t even turn around, accepting the situation as it was and already knowing this thing would never have a happy ending. Her mother entered the room with fast steps, her heels hammering on the floor like a thousand punches into Lena’s face. She ignored the girl, rushing to her son and kneeling down besides his body. Lena watched as her mother’s fingers traced Lex’s bleeding face as if she tried to understand what just had happened. There was a weird softness in her touch that Lena never got to experience by herself.

Lillian looked up into her adoptive daughter’s face with a vast darkness in her narrowed eyes. „What have you done?“, she asked, voice rough and shivering.

Lena didn’t know what to say as she wasn’t sure by herself. She remembered talking about her family saying „our family“ and Lex mocking her, saying „Well, this is not really your family“. He never knew how much his jokes had hurt, but this time it had been enough and because Lena knew what was happening, she just punched his face until he stopped talking. And then even more.

„What have you done?“, her mother repeated. „How do you dare stepping into my house, living on my cost, taking my time and then beating up my son?“ Her voice broke while the woman stared at Lena in disbelief. „How…you are a monster.“

Lena felt her lip shivering as she shook her head quickly. She had never been able to control her temper, it was just there and the anger forced her to do all those weird, bad things that she really didn’t want to do. But this beast inside of her, it was too strong to chain it up. Sometimes it just jumped out of her chest, randomly attacking people, and Lena felt like being outside of her own body, just watching and not able to do anything.

„I didn’t want to do that“, she promised, listening to her own voice cracking desperately. „I promise, Mom, I-“

Lillian raised her hand, slamming it right into Lena’s face and the girl stumbled. She found herself back at the wall, trying to hold onto something but only finding the curtains of the large windows beside her. Her cheek was burning and she felt tears welling up in her eyes.

„I am not your mother“, Lillian answered, taking Lex’s hand in her own and gently stroking his skin. „You have never been my child. You are just a burden that I accepted into my house and kept it even after my husband died.“ She shook her head. „But this is over. You will leave, and you will leave now.“

Lena stared at her in disbelief, feeling a single, salty tear running down her cheek and onto her lips. „Please don’t kick me out“, she whispered.

Her mother’s face didn’t even move. „Go“, she replied with a bitter voice. „In my house, there is no place for monsters.“


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I say every Wednesday? Forget it. I'll just post whenever I feel like it because I love this story.  
I'm sorry Lena appears to be an a**hole, she really isn't. Try to love her. ;)

„This is gonna look great. Thank you, Miss Luthor.“

Lena didn’t reply, she just sighed disinterestedly while tattooing the last lines of black into hard, well-toned muscles. The man sitting on the leather chair in front of her winced as the needle reached his collarbone, mumbling a little „Ouch“ into his curly beard.

Lena rolled her eyes up to the ceiling. All those people, especially the men, they always acted so strong and tough and then she reached a sensitive spot and they were just whimpering, crying sh*t in her hands. _How old are you, three?_

„Come on Jack“, she said, knowing the man very well and also knowing he would come back for another tattoo in like, some weeks maybe. „It’s not that painful.“ She added some shade of grey to the motorcycle she had just outlined on the man’s chest. „Also, under different circumstances I would very likely ask you if you developed an addiction and give you the advice to stop for some time.“

Jack tensed his muscles while letting Lena shade the motorcycle’s tire and peering down to his new tattoo. „So, why don’t you do it?“

Lena grinned, listening to the relaxing sound of the vibrating tattoo needle between her fingers. „I just don’t care“, she answered kindly. „You know, your addictions are your problem and if covering your whole f*cking body in tattoos helps me pay my rent, I’m gonna do it.“

The man laughed while Lena lifted the needle from the skin and adjusted a thin piece of suprasorb foil on the newly created tattoo. „That’s what I like about you, Luthor. You don’t ask questions.“

Lena smirked at him, starting to clean up her workspace. „Yeah, well, I’m a tattoo artist and not an interviewer.“

Jack stood up and walked towards the mirror of Lena’s office, intriguedly glaring at the motorcycle that shone on his chest in every single detail. „It looks so great, thank you. The girls will love it.“

He turned to Lena, tensing his muscles and sticking his chest out. „Do you like it?“

Lena rolled her eyes once again. _Why are those men just never stopping their stupid flirts? _She knew how sexy she was, she didn’t need anyone to confirm it.

„Jack“, she sighed while putting her needles in all the right places and disinfecting the leather chair. „I am not interested. You know that.“

The man shrugged, carefully putting his tanktop back on. „Yeah I know, I just don’t understand it.“

Lena didn’t reply. She was openly gay, but she didn’t need to explain it to dumb strangers walking into her studio and flirting with her. This was a fact and not an apology. She would not use being a lesbian as an argument against men – she tried it, and most of them just found it hot. _Can I watch?? _No, f*cking hell, you can’t.

She sent Jack out of the studio as he had already paid her before the session. All the way down the street, the man admired his new tattoo and Lena wondered how long it would take until he would be running into a lamppost or a tree or a glass door or anything else really, really funny.

Smirking, she sat down behind the counter in the lobby and pulled some paper out of her jeans, resting her legs on the table and starting to roll a cigarette. Quiet jazz music played in her colleague’s office and Lena found herself tapping her toes to the rhythm. 

A little bell rang when the door swung open. Lena didn’t even look up, concentrating on her cigarette and just listening to quiet, careful steps on the wooden floor sounding like the entering person was afraid of breaking something by walking.

When she was almost done with the cigarette, a trembling voice greeted her with a quiet „Hi there“.

Lena dropped her cigarette, watching it fall down to the floor and slowly lifting her head up to look right into the most beautiful blue eyes she’d ever seen before.

_Mygodmygodmygodmygod._

The f*cking gorgeous eyes seemed to belong to the sofest face ever, with perfect lips and smooth blonde hair falling on petite shoulders like curtains highlighting the stranger’s eyes. Lena was just sitting there in shock, staring at the blonde and trying to find her voice.

„You made me drop my cigarette“, she then said, her voice accusing and vexed. „This was my last one.“

The stranger’s beautiful face found a cowed expression to rest in which strengthened Lena and her self-confidence. „I am sorry“, the blonde muttered. „I, erm, I was – I was looking for Lena Luthor.“

She took a deep breath, obviously pleased with herself being able to finish a whole sentence. Lena simply arched one eyebrow while reaching down to her cigarette and throwing it into the trash. _What is wrong with this woman?_

„Okay“, she answered, deciding to ignore the stranger’s beauty and focus on how weirdly scared she seemed to be. „You found me. Now what?“

The blonde cringed at her words as if she was not comfortable with Lena being the person she had looked for. _Your problem,_ the tattoo artist thought. _Deal with me being impolite or go._

„I“, the stranger started, then nervously bit her lip. Lena felt a shiver going down her spine. _F*ck you, damn gayness. _„I want a tattoo.“

Lena couldn’t help but laugh out loud. She saw the stranger’s body tensing and how she anxiously wrapped her hand around the other arm, while Lena just sat there and laughed.

„This is good“, she pressed out between two strikes of laughter. „This is so good. Now for real please. What do you want from me?“

The stranger just stared at her, lips trembling, fingertips nervously tapping on her perfect skin. „No, really“, she murmured. „I really want to get one. My colleague, I mean, there is this person at work, she said you’re the best one.“

Lena stopped laughing when she realized the blonde was not joking. _You do really want me to give you a tattoo,_ she thought, quite confused. _Why would you…?_

„I _am_ the best one“, she stated, leaning forward and resting her elbows on the table. „That’s for sure. But I will absolutely not tattoo you.“

The blonde shook her head, quietly walking closer and fiddling a piece of paper out of her pocket, putting it on the counter. Her movements were slow and careful as if she was afraid of Lena biting her if she came too close.

Lena sighed and pulled the paper closer to take a look. It was a plain drawing of an acoustic guitar, clear black lines, quite an acceptable style. _Okay, this is not too bad,_ she thought to herself but still slammed the sheet back on the counter relentlessly.

„I’m not gonna tattoo this on you“, she stated.

The stranger’s face dropped. „Why not?“

There was silence in the room, then Lena decided to lie. „It looks bad“, she replied dryly. „You will regret it.“

It absolutely didn’t look bad. Whoever had drawn it, was good at it, and Lena knew it. Of course not as good as her, but still okay. _But never in my life am I gonna ruin this pure perfection of a body._

The blonde cleared her throat, then spoke up with a slightly louder voice than before. „It is not your business how I look. I really want this one, please.“

Lena sighed. „Yeah, right“, she murmured. _In the beginning you all want it and then you come back like Nooooooo. _

She stood from her chair behind the counter and walked towards her office, beckoning the stranger to follow her. When the blonde stepped in her direction, Lena felt her body tensing up without knowing why. Everything she knew was that she hated this. How she shivered, and how this weird girl acted like Lena would kill her. What she might do, if she couldn’t find another way.

„Where are we going?“, the stranger asked, her voice chirping like a little bird. Her voice trembled and Lena could tell that she thought she’d get tattooed right now and right here. _Such a fool._

„To my office“, Lena said, opening the door and guiding the blonde through it. When the woman entered the room and stood still, looking around, Lena couldn’t help but let her eyes drift down the stranger’s back and to her…

No, okay, that was really enough for today. With a frustrated grimace, Lena forced herself to look somewhere else and got busy with fiddling her markers out of a wooden drawer.

„I will draw the design on you“, she explained while tossing an empty marker into the trash and gathering the others in her hand. „It’s gonna last some days, but then you can wash it away. This way you will have time to decide if you really want it on your skin.“

Lena did an agitated gesture towards the leather chair in which she had just tattooed Jack for the, like, tenth time or more. „Take a seat, Miss…“

She stumbled over the end of the sentence as it appeared to her that she didn’t know the stranger’s name. _F*ck it, I never care about names._

„Kara“, the woman said quickly, her beautiful blue eyes wide opened and nodding as if she had to convince Lena of her name. „Call me Kara, please.“ She smiled shyly and Lena had to admit it was the most gorgeous, sparkling smile she’d ever witnessed.

Still, she just shrugged, muttering a simple „Whatever“ into her non-existing beard and sitting down on the small stool besides the leather chair. Lena adjusted her markers on her table while the woman, no wait, _Kara_ took a seat.

Obviously, she was very anxious as she rolled up her sleeve and presented a slim arm to Lena, pointing to the perfectly clear skin on her upper arm. „There, please.“

Lena nodded, treating Kara’s skin with a disinfection wipe and opening the black marker. She watched as a twinge of goosebumps appeared on the woman’s forearm and smirked triumphantly. _My, my, I knew she wasn’t ready._

„If getting a drawing with markers on your skin gives you goosebumps, what will you do when I tattoo you?“, she asked, still starting to draw on Kara’s arm and ignoring her anxious face. „Will you cry? You don’t know how many people cry when getting a tattoo.“

Actually, it weren’t that much. Lena had only watched very few people crying and those had been sensitive spots, not at the f*cking arm. But it was just fun to tease anxiety.

„No, I will get this done“, Kara said, not sounding very convincing. „I will get this tattoo, and if you won’t do it I will find another tattoo artist. A better one.“

Lena laughed while outlining the guitar on her client’s skin. It was just perfect to draw on, Lena felt like she could do thousands of masterpieces just by drawing on this body. _What the actual fuck._

„You will not find a better one“, she said, grabbing another marker and filling the outlines with color. Helter-skelter, she decided to vary the drawing a little bit – she might as well add some flowers around the guitar, and she was thinking about a little touch of gold, like the sun reflecting on the wood. _This is gonna be great._

Kara didn’t even watch her, she had closed her eyes as if desperately trying to relax. „My colleague told me exactly the same thing“, she replied then.

Lena didn’t answer, she was too busy with her drawing. Roses and lilies in a diversity of sizes and different shades of red and pink slowly started to grow around the guitar, decorating Kara’s skin and perfectly harmonizing with the blonde waves falling around her shoulders. _This is perfect,_ Lena thought to herself over and over again. _My God, this is so perfect._

It had been a long time that she had felt such a big inspiration burning inside of her chest. But now it was there and she never wanted to stop with painting all those flowers and little sparkles of light dancing on Kara’s skin.

When she was done, she slammed the markers down on the table, making Kara jump. Lena exhaled deeply, not having realized how she had held her breath while drawing.

With a big smile, she stared at Kara’s arm. _This is perfection. This is such a masterpiece. Oh Luthor, you’re at it again._

Kara tried to peer at the drawing. Lena simply pointed to the mirror, making the woman stand up and walking towards the wall to get a better look at what Lena did to her skin.

She was shaking and Lena froze, not knowing if this was good or not. Kara inhaled, staying silently, just staring at the artwork on her skin for two or three minutes. Lena used the time to put the markers back into the drawer and clean her workplace, smiling to herself and feeling so extremely good with having created a beautiful picture.

„This is way more than on the template“, Kara said, then. Her voice was quiet and in pure confusion while she traced the flowers with her fingertips. „I was just asking for the outline of a guitar.“

Lena turned around, feeling her muscles tense and making a grimace. „I’m sorry“, she replied firmly, not allowing the regret she felt to appear in her voice. „It just…came over me, I guess.“

Then Kara smiled, again, and Lena felt like she was going to faint right here and now. _No one is allowed to look that beautiful._

The drawing only made it worse, with Lena’s soft and natural style of painting complimenting the pure, wholesome smile on Kara’s face. The artist just wanted to slam her head against the wall. Oh, how she was hating everything about this day.

„No, don’t be sorry“, Kara said softly. „It looks so great. Do you think you could tattoo it like that instead of like the template?“

Lena arched one eyebrow. She was used to being complimented for her work, she knew she was an awesome artist. But there was something in her client’s voice, a kind of admiration and respect that Lena wasn’t used to.

„Yeah“, she said, noticing a sore feeling in her throat. „Yeah, I could.“

She absolutely didn’t want to ruin the perfection of Kara’s body. But on the other hand there was this feeling of inspiration, like seeing an angel and suddenly being able to create masterpieces, and Lena wanting to feel it another time. She wanted it so badly.

„Come back in a few days, when you’re sure about what you want.“


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little late because of NaNoWriMo, but here we go with a brand new chapter for you guys :) Don't be afraid to tell me how you like it!

Kara stared at the tattoo studio silently. The sun made the puddles on the street sparkle as it broke through the grey clouds, a stray cat wandered into a little lane and one of the illuminated letters of „Luthor Tattoos“ had stopped glowing.

It was a habit of Kara’s to focus on all those little things when she was nervous. The buzzing of the car engine, the smell of the coffee in her hand. It helped her concentrate and get away from the negative thoughts.

And there were so much negative thoughts in this afternoon. What if the tattoo didn’t look like what she expected? What if it became infected? What if the pain was worse than people told her? And what if she was too anxious to take it all, what if everyone would laugh at her, what if the dark-haired tattoo artist made jokes about her fear?

„Are you okay?“, Alex asked. She sat in the driver’s seat, one hand on the steering wheel and the other one on Kara’s leg to calm her down. „We can just go back home if you don’t want this.“

Kara shook her head, even if everything inside of her screamed _YES PLEASE_. „No“, she muttered. „I need this, Alex. I really need to do this.“

Her sister sighed. „Okay, but you look like you’re gonna start crying right here and now.“

Kara didn’t answer because this wasn’t that far from the truth, which was why Alex spoke up again. „I can go inside with you. I am free for the rest of the day.“

Now Kara faced her. There was this softness in Alex‘ face again, this expression of _We are all so sorry for you, anxious little kid._

But she was more than the anxious little kid she’d been her whole life. She was definitely and absolutely getting this tattoo, and it was not only to prove them all wrong – but this was a huge part of it, yes.

„No, I’m going by myself“, Kara said, trying to sound firmly and ending up quivering. _Damn, Danvers, why are you always like that._

She opened the car door as if to show how dead certain she was about this whole tattoo thing. „Thank you for driving, Alex. I really hate taking the bus.“

That was the truth. Not only the bus but also the subway and trains were ranked quite high on Kara’s list of things she hated. Too many people, too loud, too many strangers pressing against her body when the bus was too crowded.

Alex just smiled at her younger sister. „Of course. Everything you need.“

Kara smiled back as she left the car, stuffing her pockets with her phone and wallet. She stepped out to the street, making the stray cat jump and run away, and watched Alex starting the engine and driving away slowly.

_So that’s it, _she thought. _Now you’re on your own, Danvers, like you wanted it._

She gulped and walked towards the tattoo studio, trying to open the door. It was way heavier than in Kara’s memory, maybe because of her anxiety now, and she needed both hands to pull it open.

A tall man with dark, curly hair was sitting behind the counter, headphones in his ears, tapping on the wooden desk with his fingers. When Kara entered, he looked up and smiled at her with a broad grin.

„Hey, how can I help you?“, he asked. Kara felt her shoulders relax a little bit. This absolutely laid-back guy with his calm smile seemed so much more kind than _Lena Luthor._ Yes she was beautiful, yes she was talented, but she was also quite impolite. Kara always felt a bit uncomfortable in the presence of such people.

„I’m here for a tattoo“, she said, but her voice was still quiet and just a murmur. „I got an appointment, with Miss Luthor.“

The guy started laughing and Kara flinched, startled by his deep, rough laughter. „You poor thing“, he answered. „She’s my friend, I love her, but I wouldn’t want her working on my skin with a needle.“

Kara’s shock must have been very obvious because soon the man cleared his throat and just smiled at her. „Sorry, I tend to scare people by saying the truth. Really, so sorry. You can go into her office.“

He pointed towards the door which Kara already knew from her session with Lena drawing on her skin. She shivered a bit when thinking about it. The guitar on her arm, entwined by those wonderful flowers, it looked so gorgeous.

Hard to believe that such a person could create such beauty.

Kara tried to smile. „Thank you, Mister…“ She faltered briefly, remembering that she did not know the man’s name.

„I’m Tyler“, he answered. „I’m working with Lena, you could say she’s my boss.“ Tyler rolled his eyes, grinning again. „But she’s not very bossy actually, she tries to avoid social contact. Just lets everybody do his or her stuff.“

Kara arched one eyebrow at Tyler’s explanation. Miss Luthor had seemed very bossy to her while the drawing session, trying to prevent Kara from getting the tattoo, telling her it was bad, changing the motive to how she liked it better.

_That’s weird, _she thought while smiling at Tyler and walking towards Lena’s door. _Why was she acting like this?_

After hesitating for some time, Kara knocked at the wooden door. Not because she felt brave enough to do it but to keep Tyler from thinking she was scared.

_Even if that’s true._

„Come in“, she heard a loud, husky voice from the inside. Kara cleared her throat, then she turned the doorknob and entered the room with quiet, cautious steps.

Miss Luthor was sitting on a small stool, a sketch pad on her knees, scribbling something with a ballpoint pen. When Kara walked in, she looked up and her face tensed up, hardened.

_Thank you, _Kara thought and tried not to run out. _You really seem to hate me._

„Oh, it’s you“, Lena said, as if she had expected someone else to walk in.

Kara pushed her hands deep into her pockets and watched as the other woman put her sketch pad away, locking it in a drawer. „Yes, well, when we talked on the phone you said…“

Lena interrupted her by raising her hands and Kara shut her mouth. „Yes, I know. You’re right on time and that’s good.“ She rolled towards the tattoo chair, still sitting on her stool. „Take a seat. I hope you haven’t changed your opinion about the motive?“

Kara shook her head while silently walking to the chair and sat down, wriggling around to find a comfortable position. „No. Still the guitar, with the flowers, you know.“

The tattoo artist nodded, preparing her instruments. „I thought so. You’re a flower girl.“

„What?“

„A flower girl. A girl who gets flowers tattooed.“ Lena smiled and Kara stared at her blankly, not having expected to see the woman smile. Actually, she hadn’t even thought about Miss Luthor being able to smile _at all._

But it was beautiful.

*** * ***

The tattoo session passed off quite silent and without any interruptions. Lena prepared her needle, cleaned Kara’s skin – not without thinking about how perfect it was, so white and so clear – and started to tattoo the other woman.

Kara appeared as a very shy, if not even anxious person who always flinched at loud noises or sudden moves, just like a little cat. From what Lena knew, she was not really easy-going or laid back and so she had expected her client to be scared of the needle, maybe even crying a bit.

But nothing happened. Kara clenched her jaws a bit at the beginning, like everybody did when they felt a tattoo needle for the very first time. Lena knew that from her own experience, it was a bit like having an injection.

But then she relaxed, just holding still and not doing anything. Kara didn’t watch, she looked around the room while accepting the needle in her skin and Lena’s hand holding her arm down. But she was calm.

_I have to admit,_ Lena thought to herself, _this is more than I expected._

The studio was quiet while Lena outlined the acoustic guitar on Kara’s skin, completely lost in her work and not even noticing that from time to time her client took a look at her with gentle blue eyes. Buzzing noises from the tattoo needle and Tyler’s soft blues music echoing from the other room were the only sounds filling the room.

Then, Kara asked: „For how long have you been doing this?“

Lena was confused for some seconds until she realized the woman was talking about her job as a tattoo artist. She suppressed a sigh, not being used to conversation with strangers.

„Eight years“, she answered because not saying anything would’ve been ignorance and even if Lena was not a fan of social interaction, she hated ignorance. It didn’t matter if people ignored her or if it was a situation of injustice and violence that was ignored. It was just a bad thing.

Kara nodded, but didn’t say anthing. It was obvious how she tried to start a conversation but failed in her attempt, and Lena could almost understand the uncomfortable feeling. The silence was getting more and more painful.

„Why are you always acting so anxious?“, Lena asked therefore when she was done with the guitar. She looked up, green eyes facing blue ones, and found a scared expression in her client’s face.

_There we are again_, she thought to herself.

„What do you mean?“, Kara asked cautiously.

Lena lowered her eyes back to the tattoo and focused on outlining the rose growing on a long tendril around the guitar’s neck. _F*ck Van Gogh’s sunflower stuff_, she thought. _My flowers are so much cooler._

„I mean, you seem so shy and quiet and afraid of everything“, Lena explained, trying not to sound too interested in Kara’s person. „But you don’t mind the touch or the pain and now you even talk to me.“ She arched one eyebrow. „You can’t be _that_ sensitive.“

Kara squirmed in the seat and Lena had to tighten her grip to hold the woman’s arm still. She obviously wasn’t very experienced with getting tattoos.

Lena couldn’t avoid wondering if this was Kara’s fast tattoo. _Maybe a small one? Somewhere where you can’t see it?_

„I am just afraid of new things“, Kara said while Lena started to fill the flowers with color. Shades of red, pink and violet started to conquer Kara’s skin like an army of lights.

„And angry people. When somebody screams or is mad at me. Loud noises. Cancelled plans. Stress. Crowds of people.“

Lena cut her short. „Let me guess, also spiders and heights?“

She had not intended to mock Kara but the woman’s face fell a bit. „No, I actually like heights. It relaxes me.“

_This is so weird,_ Lena thought while spreading small white spots of light on the petals of her roses. Kara turned her face towards her arm to take a look at the tattoo, but then looked away quickly. Lena smiled to herself.

A bit of time passed and Lena carefully shaded the guitar in brown and black, creating a perfectly smooth contrast with the light, soft colors of the flowers. She just loved playing with different colors, experimenting and finding out how they worked together. Not only in the classic painting style but especially when it came to abstract artworks.

„And you?“, Kara asked, jolting Lena out of her daydreams about arts and epic paintings.

The tattoo artist looked up, one eyebrow arched. „What about me?“

Kara smiled and it was so soft and genuine that Lena was afraid to fall from her stool. At the same time, the influence this woman’s looks had on her made her so angry she couldn’t even find words for it. _Don’t take my self control away._

„What are you afraid of?“, the blonde woman asked, specifying her question.

Lena’s eyes bulged out. This was not something to ask a stranger and she was very sure about that. Fears were such a deep, personal subject.

_Hurting people, _she thought to herself but it never passed her lips.

„It’s very nice if you are open enough to talk about something _really, really personal _like your fears“, Lena said instead, trying to keep her voice as polite as she could. „But I am not, so please don’t ask me questions like that.“ She cleared her throat. „Actually, don’t ask me questions at all. I am just a tattoo artist. Okay?“

The last words had been louder and more fierce than Lena had actually planned it. But that was okay, at least it would probably make Kara stay silent for the rest of the session.

It worked. The blonde woman didn’t say anything, she just turned away to face the wall where Lena had hung up prints of all her favorite paintings, also some that she made herself. The tattoo artist could literally see how much questions were on the tip of Kara’s tongue but she didn’t speak up.

Lena gladly accepted the silence, listened to the soft music from Tyler’s office and continued working. Still, she felt something burning inside of her chest and none of the lilies and roses could take the feeling away.

She silently cursed herself, then said: „Sorry, didn’t want to scare you.“

Kara turned her head towards Lena who was now done with the tattoo and put her needle away, dabbing the tattoo and pressing some foil on the colored skin. It shone like a thousand stars and Lena had to admit that she loved it, even if she was actually more a fan of dark atmospheres.

„I’m not scared“, the blonde woman said, even if her voice trembled a bit and Lena didn’t believe her. She then took a closer look at her tattoo, asking: „Is it done?“

Kara’s voice wasn’t more than a whisper but Lena still heard her and nodded. „Yes, it is. We got a mirror at the other side of the room, you can-“

She wasn’t even done talking when Kara already lost all her shyness and jumped out of the chair just to get to the mirror in two leaps. She moved around in front of the glass, always staring at her skin with a beaming smile and glowing eyes.

_Absolutely in love with it, _Lena thought and found herself smiling at the picture of the amazed woman in front of her.


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SOOOOOOOOORRY for such a long break! You guys thought I was gone for sure, but here I am with brand new chapters of You Are Art. Love you!

"That was the worst fish ever", Lena said as she left the restaurant behind her best friend. "It literally tasted like nothing at all."

Sam giggled and shook her head. "No, it wasn't the worst. Do you remember the fish sandwich you ate some years ago when we were travelling to Europe?" 

Lena grinned widely as she remembered the vacation trip in her early twenties which was completely messed up. Sam and her had been saving so much money but they were the worst at planning, so they ended up somewhere in a shady motel not even knowing where to go next. "Yeah, I remember. I had a fish poisoning because of this fucked up guy selling sandwiches on the street."

Sam bursted into laughter, drunkenly holding on to Lena's shoulder. She was one of the few people in the world who were allowed to touch Lena without asking, the other one being Tyler. _I would also allow Kara to do that_, it occured to Lena, but she wiped the thought from her mind as quick as she could. This was wrong on so many levels, and it was definitely only drunk Lena thinking this.

"You were throwing up all over me", Sam laughed burying her head into Lena's shoulder. "Lena, you were literally puking for DAYS. I wish I had made kind of a video or something to show it at your funeral when you're old and dead."

Lena smiled, softly pushing Sam away. "Yeah, you will absolutely die before me if you keep drinking that much." 

Sam let out a loud "Owwww" whose meaning was quite indefinable to Lena. "I didn't drink _that_ much", she protested. "You can just take so much more than me." The dark-haired woman groaned and rubbed her forehead. "For real, Lena, why can you take so much alcohol?"

Her best friend just shrugged her shoulders, softly grabbing Sam's wrist and pulling her away from the curb so that she didn't stumble or fall. "I started early and constantly drank more. Loads of damn shit in my life, Sammy, don't try to be like me."

Sam sighed and continued groggily tumbling through the streets. Lena kept her eyes on her best friend, tensed up and always ready to catch her if she might fall. Sam could take unexpectedly little alcohol. She always appeared sober for a quite long time, but then the drinks kicked and for the rest of the night there was nothing Sam wouldn't do.

"Let's go home", she proposed softly. "You should really get some sleep, Sam."

Sam nodded, reaching out for Lena's hand. "You're so kind", she mumbled. "So kind, Lena. Literally the most kindest." 

Lena smiled to herself and shook her head listening to her best friend's drunk words. _And you're the most weirdest._

Her eyes wandered to the downtown area with all the bars and restaurants and city lights. Lena loved nights like this, warm and a bit stuffy, with a clear black sky and all the street lights reflecting in the neon letters of old diners. The scents of alcohol, blooming trees and cheap perfume hung in the air, inviting Lena to breathe it in and remind herself of why she loved National City so much. 

She pushed her hands deeply into the pockets of her coat and enjoyed a soft breeze blowing through her hair. Lena's gaze followed some teenagers skating down the street, nearly driving into an old man who instantly started fussing. The teenagers laughed, jumping from their boards and disappearing into a small bar. 

"Lena, you okay?", Sam mumbled grabbing Lena's arm. 

Her best friend smiled. "Yeah, I just-" 

She held her breath and stopped walking. Only a few minutes after the teenagers had entered the bar, the door was pushed open from the inside and two women stepped outside. One of them just brushed through her short, dark hair with her hands while the other one was talking and laughing, maybe telling a joke. And Lena remembered this laugh so very well, the way this pretty face suddenly lightened up, sparkling blue eyes, soft lips grinning widely. It felt to Lena as if the scent of lemongrass and bergamot flew to her all the way up the street, so much more spicy then the woman who wore it. 

_Damn, this girl is everywhere._

"Lena!" Sam was poking her finger into Lena's shoulder over and over again. "Whassssssssssssss up?"

Lena cleared her throat, trying to find her voice. "See that girl at the bar?"

Sam's face suddenly lightened up and she nervously started fiddling with her dark hair. "Lena, that's Alex!" She chuckled happily. "Can't believe it."

Lena arched one eyebrow. "What, that's the woman you're dating?" She focused on the woman by Kara's side who now was busy with trying to find her keys in her pockets. Sam had sent her some pictures of her new girlfriend, but they never met before. "You know, she's actually hot."

Her best friend started to laugh, poking Lena with her elbow. "Don't you say that, Luthor, she's mine." Sam smiled widely, obviously only being that open with her feelings because of the alcohol in her blood. "Don't tell her, Lena, but, you know, I think I love her." 

Lena tried to smile, but couldn't really keep her eyes from Kara. The blonde woman was now sitting down on the cobblestones, probably waiting for Alex to unlock their car. She couldn't figure out, if she was happy to see her client again or not - one part of Lena was definitely enjoying the view, the other part wanted to try everything to keep potential dangers away. And Kara definitely could be seen as dangerous, with the way she made Lena feel. Helpless, kind of out of control. Everything that Lena hated about herself.

"What's it?", Sam asked. "Lena, you're definitely not okay."

Lena sighed. Sam was right, and she hated it. "Do you know the other girl?", she simply asked, trying to find Kara's tattoo with her eyes. Her client wore a blouse in soft pastels, the sleeves rolled up to her elbows, but they were covering Lena's amazing work. Lena found herself feeling nearly disappointed. She loved what she had done to Kara's beautiful skin, it was absolutely one of her best works, and she didn't want her client to ever cover this. She shouldn't hide.

Sam interrupted her thoughts with words that felt heavier than they actually were. "Yeah, might be Alex' sister. Kara. Why?"

Lena simply shook her head. She had told Sam about what a masterpiece she was tattooing on a client recently, told her about all the flowers and how the tattoo was literally spreading love and light around the room. Her best friend had made so much fun of her that night, commenting on how Lena hadn't been that dedicated to something for a long time. _I can't tell her this is the same person._

"Nothing", she said, therefore.

Sam grinned widely. "Oh my", she chuckled. "Do you think she's hot?" She jumped a little, drunkenly giggling and shaking her head. "Lena, honey, don't you go fuck with my girlfriend's little sister. You're gonna ruin that."

"I wasn't up to fucking with her", Lena yelled, a little louder than she wanted to. She turned around quickly, scared of Kara having heard her and looking out for the source of the noises. "Sam, I promise. I was just asking", she assured, her voice much softer this time. 

Sam sighed, suddenly not seeming to be that drunk anymore. "Yeah, Lena, I know you and all of your one-night-stands. I don't really care about how you try to fix your mental health by fucking around, but please leave this girl alone. I'm serious about this thing and I want Alex' family to like me."

Lena decided to say nothing, she just nodded and started to make her way up the street. She was known for a frequent change of sexual partners and couldn't even tell why. Lena was just not very good at focusing on one person as they always started to like her more than she wanted them to. Feelings got involved, people wanted dates, and people were disappointed when they started to understand how complicated and unstable she really was. No one wanted Lena Luthor for longer than one night, and so she started to date the girls for just one night. 

But it was hard knowing her best friend was actually afraid of her breaking her relationship by hurting a family member. 

_Like you hurted Lex, _a voice in her head whispered and Lena was only one second away from crashing her head against a wall just to make them stop, all the voices and all the pictures of Lex' bleeding face suddenly turning into Kara's.

*** * ***

When Alex finally found her keys in the mess of things she had stuffed into her pockets, Kara felt as if she had been sitting on the floor for hours. "For your next birthday, I'm gonna get you a well-organized bag", she announced while managing to get back up on her feet. "It's crazy how you're always searching for things in your jeans."

Alex just laughed getting into the car and pushing the key in. "This is what pockets are made for, Kara. For putting things in there. I don't need a bag."

Kara sighed, deciding not to leave a comment on how annoying this whole discussion was. Even if she knew how much her adoptive sister loved her, she was always afraid of someone getting her words wrong and maybe being mad at her. 

Therefore, she just gave in with a simple "Sure, Alex" and got into the car. While she waited for Alex to fasten her seatbelt, Kara's hand wandered to her upper arm without herself noticing it. Her fingertips traced the tattoo under her skin, mindlessly starting to scratch it. She only realized what she was doing when Alex grabbed her hand and carefully put it down on Kara's leg. 

"You're not supposed to scratch", she reminded her younger sister, her voice nearly chidingly. "A tattoo is like an open wound, it can't heal if you-"

Kara glared at her as confident and warningly as she was able to. "I know, I know. You don't have to tell me, Alex."

Her sister raised up her hands slowly as if Kara was about to shoot her. "Okay, okay", she grinned. "I'm sorry, I just tried to help."

_Yeah, but I don't need that, _Kara thought to herself as she leaned against the window and stared outside silently. _I'm a grown-up woman. I have anxiety, but you can stop trying to protect me, everybody._

Alex turned the key and started driving without another word. The sisters stayed silent as it started to rain, small drops hammering against the windows of the car. Kara followed their traces with her fingers like she did as a child, watching the raindrops racing down the window in an ultimate fascination. She sometimes felt like nothing more than that - a small, insignificant drop of water running down a window and melting into all the other ones who were just as unimportant as herself.

"So", Alex finally broke the silence. "You seem to not regret getting that tattoo, huh?"

Kara shook her head. This was something she was very certain about. "No, why should I?" She rolled up her sleeve and pointed to the artwork hidden under a piece of transparent foil. "It's great. Miss Luthor really did an amazing job, I don't know how someone can be this talented." 

That was the truth. She really couldn't tell how Lena Luthor must've been struck by a god-given lightning of creative power. The ocean of roses and lilies that she had created around Kara's guitar tattoo, with little lights sprinkling on their blossoms, looked so real Kara was sure they would start to climb out of her arm right now. It was a perfect brightness, drawn with so much love, and Kara couldn't help but ask herself where it came from. The tattoo artist had seemed so cold and rough, showing everything but light and love in her eyes.

"Kara, did you hear what I said?"

Kara turned around facing her sister. Alex drove with one hand on the steering wheel, the other one poking Lena's shoulder. "You didn't even listen to me, am I right?"

The younger woman put on her sweetest smile, convincing Alex of not being mad at her. "I'm sorry. I was just thinking about the tattoo. What did you say?"

Alex smiled back, turning into the street they lived in. "I told you how Sam always said the same. She must've gotten all of her tattoos at Luthor's, and", she grinned with an unexpected hint of kinkiness in her face, "those are a lot more than you think to know, if you understand what I mean."

Kara laughed nervously, burying her head in her hands. She didn't want to think about Alex' girlfriend and her colleague _that way_. "No, stop it, Alex. I don't want to picture Sam naked, really."

Her sister just answered with a nod. "Yeah, you better don't, because she's mine."

Kara watched as Alex went silent, just smiling to herself and going lost in her thoughts while she parked the car. Her older sister always looked so happy and completely content when she talked about Sam, as if there was nothing at all that she missed in her life. Everything was perfect for Alex, as always.

"I wonder", she said quietly, "if I ever find love like you found it in Sam."

Alex turned around surprisedly, but the expression in her eyes quickly turned to pity. Kara was two seconds away from hitting her sister in the face and telling her she didn't need any compassion, but she kept still. 

"Of course you will", the older Danvers answered. "Kara, you're a beautiful woman and you got the biggest heart I ever saw. What I wonder about is how there still is no one falling on their knees in front of you and asking if you're gonna marry them." She smiled, patting Kara's back awkwardly. "I promise, there's gonna be so much love for you in this world. You just have to be brave enough to go find it."

_So this is about my anxiety again?,_ Kara thought to herself, frowning. _I don't have a girlfriend like you do because I'm socially awkward and don't like to go out to loud and crowded places?_

Of course, she said nothing like that out loud. Alex only tried to help, and Kara knew that. For as long as they lived, Alex had been there to protect her younger sister - from mean girls in their high school, from loud noises in the streets, from the neighbor's insanely angry dog. From life, somehow, regarding the fact that Kara lived and worked with her sister. Alex was always there, and sometimes Kara wondered if that was the problem. _Everyone's telling me they believe in me, but in the end they still stand behind me with opened arms because they think I'm gonna fall._

"Are you okay?", Alex asked softly. "Because if yes, then I suggest we're leaving this car now. I'm quite tired."

Kara just smiled, nodding and getting out of the car in silence. But even when she stepped up the stairs with Alex, the frustration didn't seem to think about leaving her chest. _I need to do something great so they all see I can do things do on my own._

Maybe something like finally going out with someone.


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with a big surprise! For you, for Lena and for Kara, because neither of the two know what's going to happen right now. So excited. <3

In the next morning, Kara overslept. Alex had to nearly kick her out of her bed, yelling at her to get some breakfast and "be a bit more reliable if you don't want me to force you getting an own car". Since they lived in the same apartment and worked in the same company, the sisters did some kind of carsharing mostly relying on Alex driving Kara to work. Of course the younger Danvers was able to drive as well, but she didn't like it as she was utterly afraid of accidents.

"Come on, Kara", Alex shouted demandingly, already waiting at the door. "We're late, but we shouldn't be, the new designer's coming today!"

Kara sighed and styled her hair in a quick messy bun, running towards her sister and closing the door behind them. The publishing company they worked for had hired a new cover designer who, how James had told them, was "the most talented artist ever". Kara doubted that since she had seen Lena Luthor's work and knew there couldn't be another person with just as much talent.

"Do you know them?", Kara asked as they jumped down the stairs and got into the car. Alex just shook her head, slowly driving out of the parking spot and then speeding up. "No, I asked James to just show me their artworks and nothing about the person themselves and their CV. I didn't want to judge someone by anything but their work, because in the end, the art is what really counts."

She smiled at Kara. "But I heard it's an attractive woman."

Kara rolled her eyes and felt herself blushing even if she didn't do anything. "Alex, I'm not gonna date any stranger just because they're attractive."

Her sister sighed quietly and got in lane between the other cars on the main street. "But that's how dating starts. I started dating Sam because she was attractive."

Kara wasn't sure about how to respond to that. Of course she wanted to date someone, especially to show her friends that she was able to do it. But she also wanted to believe into the concept of _true love_ and _being destined for each other_, and sexuality or looks didn't feel like fitting into this picture. She wanted to see someone and instantly know that she was made for them, even if that was maybe a bit much to expect. But asking a girl out just because she was looking good? _This is so superficial._

Alex just shrugged as she understood her sister wasn't going to continue their discussion. She drove silently, parking the car in their usual spot in front of the office building. "Do you want to come with me meeting the new designer?", she asked. "We got a meeting at eight." 

A small peak towards her watch made Kara understand it was nearly eight. She didn't need a lot of time to decide that she absolutely wasn't ready to meet a new person right now - that needed a lot of concentration, mental preparation and confidence. For now, she just felt tired.

"No, I need some time to proofread the new chapter", she responded. "You know, a cover design is completely wasted if you ain't got a book for it." 

Alex smiled at her while she got out of the car. "Kara, you're currently writing the best book series I ever read. Nothing is wasted on that." She shouldered her bag and started to make her bag towards the building. "I'll set a meeting for Wednesday, if you're okay with that. Just for you two to meet and figure out what you want the cover to be like."

Kara nodded silently, thinking about how the fate of her book's marketing would lie on the shoulders of an artist she didn't even know yet. She was in love with her characters and the words she was hammering in her laptop every day, but she was also afraid that the designer couldn't really get the idea of the book. To Kara, it was kind of her life work - the best thing she ever wrote and nothing she would just give away to a stranger.

"Have they read the book?", she asked as they were walking into the office complex and a wave of scents hit Kara - coffee, expensive suits, aftershaves of their colleagues, sanitized metal furniture. Being highly sensitive wasn't just about being overly empathetic, it also made Kara realize so many details about her environment that other people didn't even notice. 

Alex nodded while she guided Kara towards the coffee stand in the lobby. Coffee was of unquestionable importance to Alex as she really wasn't a morning person. "Yeah, I asked Winn to send them the first version of your script. They know what you're looking for, I'm sure about that."

Kara accepted the answer and quietly started to search for her wallet in her bag. They paid for their coffee and Kara got lost in her thoughts while following Alex into the elevator. She could only hope that the designer hired by James and Alex knew anything about fantasy books, because that was what Kara had been writing about her entire life. _If she doesn't understand the spirit of high fantasy, her design will be crappy. No thanks._

Alex got out at the third floor, kissing Kara's cheek to say goodbye and cheer her up a bit. Just as she left the elevator, Winn jumped in, the closing door scratching his elbow and a little whimper falling from his lips. 

"Hey Kara", the young man greeted his colleague, settling besides her. "So, did you meet the new designer? I heard they're a great artist, really, you should've seen those masterpieces. Lots of flowers in the drawings, might fit your protagonist very good. Are you excited?"

Kara cleared her throat. Winn was one of her friends, but sometimes he just talked too much for her to handle at one time. "Yeah, no, I mean, I didn't meet them yet", she stated. "Alex said we're gonna have a meeting at Wednesday."

Winn nodded, knowingly, compassionate. "Oh yes, I understand, you're taking some time to prepare."

Kara turned around to face him, staring into the face of her colleague that suddenly went pale. "I don't need to prepare myself for meeting new people", she clarified, even if her voice was trembling and she wasn't sure about if that was the truth. New things had never been Kara's favorites, she remembered how when she was ten years old she broke down about Alex having the idea to paint their room in a new color.

Winn raised his hands, lifting documents into the air. "Okay, because I never said that. I supposed you were just taking time to find out what exactly you want your cover to look like, maybe search for example designs to show, figuring out which elements of your book are the most important...you know."

Kara made a face, suddenly understanding that Winn wasn't here to accuse her of being anxious. "Yeah, sure, that was what I meant too", she mumbled, staring to her feet.

Her colleague sighed as they got out of the elevator. "Kara, what's up? You've been acting crazy recently."

The young writer was up to shake her head, but then she gave in. Winn had grown close to her over the years, becoming one of her best friends, and she could probably tell him about her thoughts without him laughing at her.

"You know, I just..." She rubbed through her face with one hand as if she could wash the shame away. "Everybody's treating me like an anxious little kid. I really want to change, Winn. I want to be normal, I'm considering therapy and...going out and all the stuff. I'm way more than my issues, but everyone in here seems to forget about that." A sigh fell from her lips. "I mean, look at me! I didn't have any panic attacks for like six months! That's crazy good!"

In the end, her voice had cracked a little, raised higher than Kara wanted it to. Winn just nodded, resting one of his hands on Kara's shoulder. She felt warmth running through her body, the physical contact helping her to calm down. 

"I understand", he assured, slowly rubbing Kara's arm. "I'm sorry for upsetting you. And I'm sure..." He cleared his throat. "I'm sure Alex doesn't mean it, even if sometimes she acts like she's better than you. That's just her way of protecting people, I guess."

Kara tried to smile vaguely, parting from Winn and stepping towards her office. "Yeah, you're probably right." Out of a sudden, it was hard to even talk, understanding that Winn still didn't get her point. "I'm sure they all mean very well."

*** * ***

The day went on slow, the minutes seemed to stretch like a piece of chewing gum. Kara mostly hid in her office, resting her legs on the table and flipping through the pages of her manuscript. She couldn't ban her conversation with Winn from her mind, always thinking about if that was how other people saw the world: that everything was okay to do if only you mean well. _Isn't it way more important how actions turn out?_

Kara took a sip of her coffee and grabbed a ballpoint pen to scribble some notes into the script. Her main character had just joined a group of sailors to explore new worlds, but she felt like the scene had not enough weight. Kara wanted it to be heavy, big, important - like a breakthrough, a sunrise in all its colors, the moment just before the character would understand what they were really meant to do. 

_If only I could join some kind of ship too and sail away, _she thought to herself, nervously clicking the pen in her fingers. Kara couldn't exactly define it, but she always had a feeling of being an alien in her world - an outsider, unusual, if not even weird.

Kara sat up and put the manuscript away, burying her head in her hands. She needed some fresh air, a bit of relaxation, and definitely another coffee. 

The young writer stood and started to search for her keys in the chaos of her desk. Pens, documents and books that she brought from home were piled up besides her laptop, empty coffee cups, scented candles and even a bit of thrash. Usually Kara was great at keeping her work environment structured and clean, but she had been so involved in planning her publishment in the last months that she had barely found time to tidy her office.

When Kara finally found her keys, she breathed a sign of relief and took the time to throw some old post-its and cups into the thrash. She then left her office, locking the door behind her and rushing to the elevator.

Kara leaned against the steel wall and closed her eyes while the elevator moved downwards. At about the third level, a high-pitched signalized that the elevator would stop for someone else to come in.

The doors swung open and the well-shaped silhouette of another woman entered the elevator. Kara, staring on the floor, noticed her shoes at first - motorcycle boots made of leather, black and plain, and somehow Kara felt like she knew them. Her gaze wandered up the woman's legs which were put into a pair of dark skinny jeans, perfectly shaping her athletic figure. A black leather jacket covered a bandshirt, with a deep V-neck, so that Kara could not only see the woman's cleavage but the upper ends of tattoos that obviously covered her arms and part of her chest.

_Oh no,_ it occured to Kara as she understood who the stranger was.

Mentally steeling herself for the already well-known face, she lifted her head up directly looking into Lena Luthor's eyes. _There we go. _

"Hi", she mumbled, not even sure if Miss Luthor would remember her. The tattoo artist had only seen her twice and seemed to be not only busy but also quite uninterested in other people. So why should she remember a shy, unimportant girl wasting her time for a tattoo she didn't even want to do?

Because, yes, it was still in Kara's head how the artist had told her she wouldn't give her a tattoo and it looked shitty. Which technically wasn't true, because it turned out to be great.

To her surprise, the other woman responded with a plain: "Kara."

_Not only does she know me, she also remembered my name, _Kara thought to herself. The information wasn't easy to process - her first thought was that she might had left a negative impression and this was why Lena had remembered her this quickly.

As the elevator moved further downwards, with Lena motionlessly standing besides Kara and staring at the doors, another thought came to Kara. This was an office building for writers, publishers and a few marketing people. It wasn't a public place. It didn't make _any _sense for Lena to be in here.

Thoughts rushed through Kara's head like in a battle, one side wanting to ask the tattoo artist about why she was here, the other one being way too scared. Lena had never presented herself as a very friendly person, making impolite comments and laughing at Kara. But the essential was, Kara decided, that if she didn't say something now Lena would probably leave the elevator and never give her an answer.

_Be brave, Kara. At least try it. It's gonna be a good possibility to practice talking to others, when no one else is here to judge you._

"Miss Luthor", she said, her voice fragile. "Why are you here?"

Lena Luthor obviously wasn't a fan of smalltalk. She didn't even look at Kara, just shrugged her shoulders and snapped back: "Well, why are you here?"

Kara felt tears welling up in her eyes, she hated when someone hissed at her like that. Even if she had to confess that she liked the husky, rough character of Lena's voice, she still didn't like the content of the words. In the end, it seemed to be the best decision to just answer the question - _steal their thunder, _Kara's mother had always said when someone at school was acting mean.

"I'm working here", Kara started to explain, finding strength in talking about her job. Writing was what she liked the most and when she could talk about her books, she felt less anxious. It was like a refuge to her. "I'm a writer, you know. I'm currently working at this book, it's fantasy, newly created world, elves, dragons, great stuff." Kara started gesturing around, not even noticing how she completely sank into her own world. "We're not that far away from publishing the first part of the series, my sister's hired some great designer to make the cover." She laughed. "She said they make great artwork, so I'm really looking forward to a nice book cover."

Kara stopped talking when she found Lena glaring at her with a long gaze, her lips parted, frowning. All out of a sudden it hit her that she must've talked way too much - Lena obviously wasn't happy to hear about fantasy books and the work progress of her former client.

"I'm sorry", Kara hurried to say. "That was way too much." She laughed nervously. "Now, why are you here?"

The doors opened in front of them as Lena Luthor cleared her throat and shook her head. "I am the designer", she said with her voice cracking, stepping out of the elevator and disappearing in the lobby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapters will be full of SuperCorp! What do you expect and wish for? I for myself am mostly interested in seeing panic attacks and anger issues collide.^^


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the love! You motivate me so so much to go on writing. Quoting drunk Sam: you're literally the most kindest.  
I was, by the way, listening to Birdy and Florence + The Machine while writing this chapter. You can check them out while reading if you want to catch the feelings :)

Kara had a queasy feeling in her stomach when she entered the office building on Wednesday morning. Alex was walking besides her, talking about something nonchalantly, but Kara didn't even listen to her sister. She loved her, for sure, but all of her thoughts were with Lena Luthor and their upcoming meeting.

_What will it be like to work with her?_

She knew that Lena definitely wasn't the easiest person. But she also knew that the young woman had an amazing talent when it came to designing and drawing, as it was forever captured on her arm. It would probably be a great pleasure to talk to her about designs and create some new ideas together.

Also, Kara could picture her new co-worker being perfectly good with fantasy stuff. She had seen Lena's sketches hanging at the walls of the tattoo studio. There had been everything from skulls in dark hallways up to blooming trees. There had also been a waterfall between some rocks and cliffs, in muted shades of green and blue, it had really caught Kara's attention. _Maybe my favorite work._

As Kara remembered getting her tattoo, she also remembered how relaxed and passionate Lena had been while working. If she was lucky, their work atmosphere would be the same for the upcoming days. Drawing seemed to cool Lena's temper down.

"Kara, you're not really listening to me, are you?"

Kara cleared her throat and met her sister's eyes with all of the confidence she was able to show. "No, I'm so sorry, Alex."

Alex just sighed, gently rubbing Kara's shoulder while stepping into the elevator. "It's okay, I was just asking myself if there's any problem. You've been acting weird. You know, if I've said anything wrong or something-"

Kara smiled, as believable as possible. "No, really, this is not about you. I was..." She rummaged among her thoughts, trying to find a good way to get out this without telling Alex that she was nervous. "I was just thinking about what kind of design I should ask Lena to do."

Her sister arched her eyebrows, obviously not believing Kara and knowing her way too good, but she didn't say anything. Kara thanked heaven for it while they stepped out of the elevator and walked towards the meeting room.

James and Lena were already sitting at the large conference table when Alex opened the door and let Kara in before herself. The younger one gulped as she smiled towards James and then let her gaze slip at Lena. The designer met her eyes with unemotional, barely interested expression, and suddenly the queasy feeling was back. Kara smiled at her co-worker anyways, just to show that she was open for anything, and catched a hint of surprise on Lena's face. When she sat down besides Alex, Lena still seemed startled, as if someone had screamed at her.

_Weird._

"Miss Danvers", James said as they had all settled down. "May I introduce you to Lena Luthor, one of the best artists of our city? We hired her for the cover, we wanted the best one as we need this trilogy to really come out as a bestseller." He smiled at Lena. "Lena, this is-"

Lena cut him short with a sharp gesture. "We already know each other. I did a tattoo on her."

James arched his eyebrows and Kara saw Alex chuckling on her other side. _Well, thank you._

"I didn't know", James said, nervously sorting some documents in front of him. "Well then, won't be hard for you two to work together as you know each other. Kara, I did some drafts with Lena, but we would very much like you to participate and tell us about your own ideas." He reached out to give some papers to Kara. 

She flipped through the pages with quick movements, never letting her gaze hang on the pictures for more than two seconds. The designs were bright, mostly with floral designs, sparkling lights and light, clean colors. Kara could see that it had been James' ideas rather than Lena's, and she knew where he was coming from. The magic and slow road that she let her characters travel on were perfectly captured in all of those designs. But something was missing, and Kara knew it from the first moment.

Still, she decided not to say it. It was, of course, her book and she should've been confident about it, but Kara didn't want to hurt someone. James had done a good job coming up with ideas.

"Yeah, they're all pretty good", she said, suddenly feeling tired, putting the papers back on the table and resting her hand on them. "Really, very nice."

James smiled but there was a thoughtful frown in Lena's face that Kara couldn't quite define. The designer played with the pen in her fingers, staring at Kara with a long gaze that seemed to sink directly into the young writer's soul. _Okay, this feels pretty uncomfortable._

"You know what", Lena finally said, grabbing the papers and pulling them away from Kara's hand. "I actually think this is not what we need. We gotta do something better." She crumpled the paper in her hands and Kara watched as the designer threw them on the floor behind herself, smirking knowingly. "Something, kind of, darker."

"Darker?", James asked, his eyebrows arched and staring at Lena skeptically. "I'm not sure about that, Miss Luthor. I mean, look", he laughed nervously, obviously not wanting to upset the best designer he could hire, "it's a book about young people doing magic. It's not very dark."

Kara tried not to feel hurt because of that, James read her book over and over and obviously still didn't get the vibe.

She kept looking at Lena, trying to hold on to her co-worker's firm and confident expression. This woman knew what she was doing and at this point, Kara started to feel like she could trust her. 

"You don't get the vibe", Lena stated, using the same words as Kara did in her mind. "There's something pretty deep about the way the main character explores her abilities. It's not dark in the way of blood and violence and whatsoever, but, the background." She started gesturing around while talking, obviously getting lost in her thoughts. "Do you remember this one scene where she sits on the bench with this guy, I don't remember his name, Ryan or something?"

"Ryder", Kara said, quietly. Lena's gaze brushed over her face like a tender breeze, a slight nod, almost invisible. 

"Right. Ryder. However, they were sitting on this bench and she was talking about why she wanted to learn magic, and it was all about how the other people in her family were already born with magic. She was the only one who had to learn it and I guess that was a pretty dark scene. Knowing how she just looked out for acceptance." Lena shrugged. "Maybe even for someone who accepts her without being able to do magic. I really think that Ryder guy should've gotten that and just, whatever, loved her."

She ended her speech with shaking her head a little, looking down to her knees nearly a little nervous. "Whatsoever, I'll be doing some new designs."

Kara just sat and stared at her co-worker blankly. No one had ever put her intentions with writing into words that good, no one had ever caught her vibe like that. If Kara was telling the truth, she didn't even know herself how it would've been better to make someone love her main character without being very special.

_Just love her for being herself._

"I see", James said, breathing in heavily, "that you two got a lot to talk about. We better leave you alone."

Alex jumped out of her chair, gently rubbing Kara's shoulder as if to give her strength. Then she left the conference room behind James. The door closed, and there Kara were, alone with a woman that suddenly was the brightest light ever.

*** * ***

Working with Lena was amazing. The designer must've either read Kara's manuscript several times or she was the most intelligent person ever, dedicated to every single detail that she remembered. She was passionate and creative and tried to figure out what exactly Kara wanted - the absolute opposite of everything that Kara had seen in the tattoo studio, not even to mention the insane elevator thing.

They worked until noon when Lena suddenly said she had "other things left to do" and if they could meet again another day. Kara, of course, said yes and agreed to leave her phone number to Lena so she could message her if she was ready to go on with working. As soon as Kara was done talking, the young designer jumped out of her chair as if it burned her and left the room before Kara could say Goodbye.

The writer remained sitting in the big revolving chair, silently swirling around. The conference room was empty now, with clean light shining through the tall windows and reflecting on the metal surface of the table. Kara's gaze fell onto the design that Lena had just sketched for her, showing a close-up of two faces staring at each other surrounded by darkness. Bright eyes met dark ones on the paper; scribbled down by quick fingers; pretty fingers, Kara had to confess. 

It was a beautiful drawing, simple, but still meaning so much.

With a loud sigh, Kara got out of her chair and grabbed the sketchpad. Pressing the paper against her chest, she headed towards the door and left the room to get some fresh air. It was nearly twelve and Kara felt like walking around and drinking some water could definitely help her.

She felt pretty confused since Lena had left. The morning had passed quite good, Lena seemed to have a good day and acted all polite and sociable. Then, she had grown unsatisfied, always rubbing the eraser over her sketches, murmuring how it didn't look as good as she wanted it to. She had started frowning, with clenched teeth and her eyes suddenly getting dark. She had acted nervously and tense, overly sensitive to everything Kara said, and then she had left.

Kara just didn't get this woman, and also she didn't get why she wanted it so bad.

She pressed the elevator button several times, nearly slamming it, but nothing happened. "This one is broke", a guy in a black suit said as he passed, not even looking at Kara. The young woman sighed, starting to make her way up to the other elevator. _They gotta fix this damn thing, once a week it just breaks down._

As Kara walked through the mostly empty floor, she suddenly heard noises. Short, but sharp screams, accompanied by the dull sound of...punching something? Kara wasn't sure about it. But it made her alarm bells ring, and she rushed to find the source of the screaming. 

She stopped in front of the room with the number 249. Kara leaned against the door to listen closer and found the shouting voice tremble. It sounded desperate, like someone being right on the edge of breaking down.

Kara knocked. First quietly, then a bit louder. No one answered.

She took a deep breath as she decided just to step in. There was always the possibility of someone getting hurt, and she wanted to help if anyone felt bad. _Helper syndrome, _the voice of her mother occured to her mind, but Kara ignored it. Carefully, she pressed down the door handle and peered into the room.

It was Lena.

The other woman was standing in front of a punching ball that she had obviously brought into her office by herself, because Kara couldn't remember being offered to have a punching ball in her office. Lena only wore a black sports bra and skinny jeans, punching the ball with sharp, rhythmical screams slipping from her lips. Kara glared at her furrowed brows and the dark eyes, then she found her gaze wandering down over a perfectly shaped body. Athletic shoulders, a hint of muscles on her slender arms, a beautiful back.

_I am not supposed to think about this._

Kara cleared her throat as she watched Lena punching the ball harder, her face so tense that Kara feared it could break into a thousand shards at any moment. "Lena?"

Lena flinched and lost her balance, stumbling and falling backwards into a glass cabinet standing right behind her. The glass broke with a loud, piercing noise and Kara watched in shock as her co-worker fell down onto the shards. Blood ran from the palm of her left hand as Lena tried to steady herself on the floor, turning towards the writer and staring at her in anger.

"What are you doing?", was the first thing Lena said, obviously trying to scream it out, but her voice cracked at the end of the sentence. "You are not supposed to be here, this is my office, and you didn't even knock, and you are responsible for _this_!" She vaguely gestured over her hand, glaring at the blood running down her arm. 

Kara felt her mouth getting dry, opening and closing her mouth like a fish while she tried to figure out what to say. _You are stupid, _a voice inside of her head mumbled. _You're so stupid._

"I _did_ knock", she clarified, raising her hands, as if to show surrender. "You didn't hear it, because of, I don't know, whatever you were just doing here." Kara gulped, being very sure that it was not her right to ask about this. "Are you okay?"

Lena obviously didn't get how Kara was talking about her emotions and beating up a punching ball at work. "I am, obviously, not okay", she hissed. "As this is all your fault, could you at least get me some kind of first aid kit or something?"

Kara nodded quickly, very eager to help and happy to have an excuse for getting away. She rushed towards the open office, ignoring a co-worker trying to talk to her and just grabbing the first aid kit. Even if she knew that it wasn't her intention to hurt anyone, the voice inside of her still agreed with Lena. _I am guilty and I must make it better._

When she came back into Lena's office and closed the door, the young designer was sitting on the window sill. She had pressed her black shirt onto her wound and she only cast a cursory glance at Kara. "That was quick", she murmured. "Who are you, some kind of supergirl?"

Kara ignored the sarcasm in the designer's voice and opened the first aid kit to seek for some mull and a compress. It was difficult to evade the shards on the floor when she walked over to Lena, and Kara made a note in her head to tell someone about the broken cabinet. 

"Let me do that", she commanded when Lena tried to grab the bandaging materials out of her hand. To Kara's own surprise, her voice came out way more firm than she was used to. Apparently, she wasn't the only one who wondered about that because Lena slowly arched one eyebrow at her. Still, she didn't talk but shrugged and held out her arm.

Kara carefully parted the shirt from Lena's hand and the young woman hissed in pain. "Come on", the writer mumbled as she dabbed the blood from Lena's skin. "It's really not that bad, it was just a lot of blood." 

Lena held still and watched Kara disinfect the wound. Both of them focused on their hands connecting in nervous silence as Kara cautiously pressed down a compress on the cut in Lena's perfectly pale skin. She then started to wrap some mull around Lena's hand, adjusting it from time to time and glaring at the hand thoughtfully.

The designer cleared her throat as she started to feel restless. "You got some kind of weird hand fetish or something?"

Kara laughed nervously, a little louder than she had planned to. Her first thought was that no, she didn't have, before Lena came, but she tried to forget it as soon as she could. "No, absolutely not, just trying to make it perfect."

Lena smiled at her mildly. "You know, I guess that's the problem. You're way too much of a perfectionist."

"You too. Remember in the conference room when you were freaking out over the damn eye not looking like you wanted it to?"

Still surprised about where her sudden confidence came from, Kara looked at Lena who dramatically rolled her eyes up. "Yes, but that's about work. You're a perfectionist about _people_. You don't want to be perfect because you like it, you want to be perfect so that other people like you."

The designer slipped her hand out of Kara's as the young woman was now done with patching her up. Slowly, she let herself slide down from the window sill and grinned at Kara. "You gotta stop thinking so much, Kara. Just like in your novel, find yourself someone who likes you without you doing magic."

She made a vague gesture towards the door. "And now, out of my office."

Kara took a deep breath as she smiled at Lena and turned around to leave the office. _Believe me, I'm trying to._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For everyone who wishes a short explanation of Lena's emotions - because in the end, I am just trying to bring anger issues to the world as an important topic.  
Lena initially had a good day, but she felt nervous around Kara which made her issues more sensitive to get triggered. She tried to do the perfect design, but when it didn't work, she got angry. As she was deeply scared of accidentally hurting Kara, she left the conference room helter-skelter.
> 
> Love to everyone, see you in the next chapter :)


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so much work right now, but I'm really trying my best to spit out a new chapter <3   
Sorry that it took me so long!

Lena was early to work this morning. She entered the office building right after the sun had risen, and she hadn't even been home. After her conversation with Kara Lena had just felt like "get drunk and forget everything you just said" which made her drive to her favorite bar and bolt down as much shots of vodka as she possibly could. Then, she had spent the night wandering through the streets, enjoying the light breeze around her face and her deep state of drunkenness.

By the morning, Lena had felt sober enough to go to work, but she still didn't feel comfortable with being in the same building as Kara.

_Why did you have to give her such a deep talk? It was already enough that she saw you like this. Angry. Wild. Like the monster that you are and- _She shook her head violently as if to push the thoughts away as she bought a cup of coffee and drank it a little too fast, making her tongue sting from the heat. Lena curse quietly and made her way to the elevator. 

The doors swung open and Lena stepped in, making herself comfortable in one corner and sipping her coffee, carefully this time to not burn her mouth again. She took a deep breath, already getting the relieving feeling of coffeine flooding her veins. 

Just before the doors of the elevator closed, a slender hand crashed in between to hold them up. Slowly, the doors drifted back open and Kara's face appeared between them. Breathing shortly, the writer slid into the elevator and let her bag crash down on the floor. While Lena tensed up automatically, her colleague didn't seem to feel any discomfort. In contrary, her face lit up at the sight of the other woman and she smiled politely at her.

Lena hated to admit how beautiful this smile was. It felt like a second sunrise and the whole environment seemed to lighten up about three or four nuances. Blue eyes glared at her like sparkling water in a perfect shade of light blue, and the sweet smile made Lena feel a thousand times better within seconds.

She, of course, didn't want to feel any of this. But after she had spent the night walking around lost in her thoughts, Lena was pretty sure that there wasn't any possibility of just pushing it all away. Even if she tried, her feelings would just come crashing back on her.

Fortunately, Kara didn't say anything about the last day, Lena's hand or why she had a punchball in her office at all. She just looked at Lena, friendly, open-hearted, with a weird kindness in her gaze that the other woman wasn't able to define. Then, the elevator reached their floor and both women parted ways.

Lena felt kind of bad when she turned her back on Kara, like there was something she missed, like she was moving away from something good. Her mind ran back to the picture of her colleague wrapping her bleeding hand into mull, softly examining the wound, making tender moves to avoid hurting her. Kara cared about her, and it began to occur to Lena that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

She spent the majority of the day working on Kara's designs without talking to her. Someone had fixed the cabinet over night, but Lena couldn't stop looking at it and thinking about how she fell into the shards. _As if that's the worst thing you've experienced, come on, Luthor. _Several times, Lena had to force herself to keep her eyes on the paper, and every time it got harder. Finally, the young woman crumpled the sketches in her fists with frustration and tossed them into the trashcan. As one of the paperballs missed the can and landed on the wooden floor, Lena slammed her hands on the desk and let out an angry "Fuck".

Cursing loudly, she suppressed the urge to throw everything from the table and knock it over. _You are not supposed to freak out at work, especially not two days in a row._

Lena tried to remember the breathing techniques that she had read about on the internet, but it didn't really work out. Letting a whole bunch of curses slip out of her mouth, she finally put her legs up the desk and grabbed Kara's manuscript which she had kept in a drawer for when she needed it. Back then, she had been thinking about having to re-read it for work, but now it looked like relaxation was just as necessary.

It only took Lena a few minutes to fully sink into the story, laughing quietly when the protagonist's friend made a dumb joke and tensing up when the protagonist herself made the wrong decisions. It calmed her down, took her back to earth and at the same time out of the world.

By lunchtime, a knock on her door ripped Lena out of her thoughts. As Alex entered the room, Lena put her feet down as quick as she could and let the book fall back into the drawer. 

Her boss just laughed at the quick movements and shrugged her shoulders. "That's okay, Miss Luthor. We're in a publishing house, I feel like we should all be allowed to read as much as we want. Especially when you're reading the novel you're supposed to design a cover for." She winked at her. "Which is what I wanted to talk about."

Lena tensed up, already picturing the worst things in her head. _Maybe Kara has told her about what happened yesterday and now she wants to fire me because I'm dangerous. _Lena had already been through this - as a teenager, she tried out so many jobs, and she always wanted to keep them, but apparently she was never "stable enough" for them. That was until a tattoo artist realized how much of a talent she was when she was at a convention, and luckily she was allowed to learn from him and take the business over when he retired.

"Don't worry", Alex said, waving her hand. "It's nothing bad. Can I take a seat?"

Lena nodded quietly and her boss sat down on the other side of the desk. Alex cleared her throat, then began to speak. "One of our artists recently decided to leave the company due to his wife getting a job in another state and wanting to follow her. Which is, of course, a very understandable decision, but still unfortunate to us. We only have a small team of designers for our marketing section and now we lost one of them." She smiled at Lena politely. "This is where you come in, Miss Luthor."

Lena arched her eyebrows. She had expected a lot of things, but Alex didn't seem to even know about her freakout or her anger issues at all.

"We haven't worked with each other for a long time", Alex continued. "Still, I can see you're amazingly talented in what you do and I'd be an idiot to not take the chances given to me. I know that you are leading a tattoo studio and hopefully you're happy with it, but still I'm offering you to join our company. You can take the leading spot in our design team that is now free."

Lena just stared at her with dropped jaw and a surprised frown. She stayed quiet for some minutes that felt like eternity, with Alex tapping on the table uncomfortably and Lena trying to collect her thoughts. She loved her job and tattooing was, from what she knew, the only thing she ever wanted to do. 

_But Kara, Kara, Kara, Kara, Kara._

"I love my studio", was the first thing Lena was able to say. Alex nodded quickly while standing up and reaching out her hand to shake Lena's. As the designer didn't react, she obviously gave up on her manners and just walked towards the door. "I'm not expecting any quick decision. I understand that this is very important. You take your time, Miss Luthor, and if you got any questions or made a decision, you can come to me." She smiled. "You know where my office is."

Saying this, she left the room, and Lena finally let out a deep breath that she had held in for what felt like years.

*** * ***

Lena couldn't stop thinking about Alex' offer for the rest of the day which also meant she couldn't stop thinking about working with Kara. She felt like the thought ruined her and brought her to life at the same time. When the clock finally stroke five, Lena was happy to leave her office and go home where Kara's smile didn't hang in the air like the smell of summer rain.

As she walked towards the elevator, soft sounds of an acoustic guitar playing made her stop. Lena stood still for a minute, just listening to the music. It sounded careful to her, played with caution as if the guitar could fall apart if the strings were pulled too hard. Lena couldn't help but remember the guitar tattoo she had designed for Kara, it had been just as bright and soft as these magical noises.

_Wait._

Lena turned around and followed the music, ending up in front of a closed room. Carefully, she placed her ear at the door and listened to the woman inside of the room beginning to sing. Lena silently wished for it to be less perfect, but the voice melted with the acoustic music as if it was made for it. The designer clenched her fists at the warm feeling that started to flood her heart and tried to remember how she didn't want to hate Kara.

Lena quietly opened the door, trying her best not to catch Kara's attention. After the blonde woman had caught her during her little freak-out yesterday, it seemed just fair to Lena to turn the page. _Now it's me watching you._

She peered into the room, feeling her pulse in every inch of her body. Kara was sitting at the window, her back turned to Lena, completely lost in her music. Lena couldn't help but wonder why she never thought about Kara as a musician. _I mean, she wanted a guitar tattooed on her skin, it was so obvious._

Lena let the door swing open and stood still, leaned on the doorframe and trying to breathe the magic. This woman was just so skilled at everything she did, from writing to singing, and Lena couldn't understand why she was so extremely shy about herself! _You have to help her becoming more confident, _a voice inside of Lena's head whispered, but the designer tried to block the thought. She wasn't ready for this, not at all.

By the third song, Lena had dived so deep into the music that it scared her for death when Kara stopped playing and said: "How long do you want to keep standing there?"

Lena cleared her throat and straightened up as Kara turned around and faced her. She didn't seem to feel any anger at Lena having watched her for so long, there was still the usual sensitivity and softness in her eyes, the eyes of someone who would do anything to help other people and make them happy. _A rare quality._

"I'm sorry", she responded. "I just...I thought that the music sounded really, really good. So I went to see where it came from."

That was the truth, but Lena still felt like choking when saying it. She wasn't used to make compliments. Sometimes she told Tyler how his latest tattoos were really good or she thanked a waiter for the good food when she went to her favorite bar. But this felt different, like it had so much weight, and it scared her like hell.

"How did you know it was me?", she added.

Kara smiled as she placed her guitar in its case. "The window is made of glass, Lena. It reflects." As Lena rubbed her face in tension and shame, the writer added: "Also, I've been suffering from anxiety and hypersensitivity since I was a little child. Don't you think that I can hear it when someone opens my door, even if they obviously try to be very quiet?"

Feeling like shrinking down, Lena grimaced and turned away. She was ashamed about herself not thinking enough, and she didn't want Kara to know. 

"You don't have to go", the latter said, a soft sound that flooded Lena's body with warmth. I could listen to this voice all the time, literally. "We can go to a bar or something."

Maybe she should take Alex' offer? It would give her the chance to be closer to Kara, to hear her voice or her music. On the other hand, Lena had worked so hard for her career as a tattoo artist and she couldn't even imagine not doing this job anymore. Leaving her artworks on other peoples' skins provided her an adrenaline rush like other people felt it when they did bungee jumping or climbing up mountains.

No, under no circumstances could she stop doing this.

With a fake smile on her face, Lena turned towards her colleague. Kara was kneeling on the floor, one hand still placed on her guitar, smiling genuinely. _Why does she want me to go out with her? Could she-_

"We can talk about the designs", Kara added. "You know, I'd love to see how it's going, and maybe we can share some new ideas. I am currently re-writing some of the chapters and I want the cover design to still fit."

As the blonde got up from the floor and put the case over her shoulder, Lena felt something inside of her chest drop. It was like a small crack, something not being like before. _Of course it's about work, she thought. How could I even think that she likes me? _

Lena felt the sudden urge to smash her head against the wall, or anything else, the main thing was throwing something against the wall. This was exactly why she had tried to stay away from deeper feelings from so long. Kara had awoken something in her, and then she broke it.

While the writer collected her things and waited for an answer, Lena pulled her phone out of her pocket and searched for Alex' number. She typed a short text and then clicked send.

_Thank you a lot for your offer, but I can't accept. My job as an tattoo artist is too important for me, and I desperately want to keep it. Sincerely, Lena Luthor._

Then, she faced Kara who still looked at her expectantly. "No, I'm sorry. I've already got plans for the evening."

This was, obviously, a lie. Lena hadn't planned anything. Sam was out with Alex which made her guess she would spend the rest of the day alone, from time to time responding to Sam's hysterical texts about how great her girlfriend was and how she "didn't deserve her".

But how could Lena spend the night with a girl just talking about work when she knew that she wanted to do everything but talk? This was impossible. This was dumb. 

Kara's face dropped a little, showing hints of disappointment and affront, before she straightened up and nodded. "Oh, okay. That's...I'm sorry." She smiled shyly. "I thought there was something, but apparently... Forget it, I'm very sorry."

She rushed out of the room, leaving Lena behind in a room filled with Kara's decent perfume and obviously the story of a huge misunderstanding. 

Lena just stood and stared at the window front, breathing heavily. She could feel the rage build up in herself like a wave, ready to overrun her, to conquer her mind, to take over her body. 

She knew how it was going to end. Her thoughts drowned in images of blood and the disappointed faces of people she loved. 

And Lena started to run. She left the office, not even closing the door behind herself, and quickly decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator. _The very first rule. The less people, the better. _

When Lena reached the foyer, she came to stop for a second. As work was over for today, the people crowded in the large hall, unintentionally elbowing each other, talking into their phones loudly, running into others while they tried to get to the doors. Every time when Lena's anger issues came up, she felt completely overwhelmed by the world, by all that could be seen and heard.

_Is this how Kara feels with her hypersensitivity?_

Lena tried to suppress the thought as quick as it had shown up. Thinking of this horribly perfect woman wouldn't help it. In the end, it was all Kara's fault. If she had been more clear with what she wanted, Lena wouldn't have turned her down and she might also haven't turned Alex' offer down.

Lena started to run again, ignoring the other people and just paved her way through the crowd with her elbows and her feet. She didn't care how many blue spots she caused right now; she had to leave before she caused way worse things.

_Like you did with Lex._

Lena squinted and ran further, always towards the door. _At least there's nothing left that holds me._


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the long breaks between the chapters, I'm kinda messing with myself and sometimes this stuff ain't easy to write because English isn't my mothertongue. BUT I am here. <3 Enjoy this chapter which may be short but intense.

At the young age of about eleven years, Lena had begun to understand that her adoptive family's house was large, but not large enough to cover her anger issues. She had begun to understand that if she couldn't keep her screams inside of herself, she had to go outside to let it out anywhere else, because it would ricochet from the walls like a very aggressive boomerang. She had begun to understand that no one in the house was able to deal with her outbursts, that they were not only overwhelmed but also scared. She had begun to understand that, since the medieval ages where people didn't know about mental illness and would've assumed she was possessed by a demon, nothing had changed at all.

Because of that, Lena had started leaving the house and secluding herself into the woods when she felt the anger boiling up. The only people she would ever meet there were walking their dogs, and even that was very rare. Most of the time, Lena was alone with the trees and the wind and could let her feelings break out into the universe.

When she left the office this evening, her feet had carried her towards the forest without Lena even thinking about it. She had tried to listen to her favorite music on the way to blend out the overwhelming noises of traffic and frustrating alarm systems, but a loose contact had made it impossible and only increased Lena's anger. When she finally reached the woods, the noise of her shoes hitting the rain-slicked ground was so easing Lena could've bursted into laughter if she hadn't been that angry.

As soon as she was sure about nobody else being in her closer surrounding, she let out a piercing scream that seemed to last at least twenty seconds. Lena often felt like she couldn't make words out of her emotions, and it was almost ridiculous to think about how twentysix letters should be enough to explain what she felt in the abyss of her soul. The only thing she could do to express it was screaming, and even that didn't come close to what her heart really felt like.

Lena took only small breaks between her screamings to breathe in, and when she stopped screaming her throat hurted way too much. A forest fire seemed to make its way through Lena's body, using the dryness of her social inabilities as firewood and burning every single nerve. Lena would've kept screaming because of the pain, but she couldn't, there was no voice in her throat and there was no oxygen in her lungs, and it made her cry.

She hated tears, and that made her cry even more.

Lena started to beat the first tree she could find. Punching bags were quite a rare thing in the woods which always led to Lena coming home with wounds, but she couldn't change it. The bark ripped the skin of her knuckles but Lena didn't even feel it. Physical pain was covered by emotional pain which was much worse, and everything that happened to her body could barely been perceived at this point.

While finding new strength to scream, Lena kicked her foot against the tree in a very disadvantageous angle. Something seemed to crack, Lena lost her balance and landed backwards on the ground. Her body awareness came back and flashes of pain rushed through Lena's hands and feet. 

She didn't even try to get up. Between muffled cries and hyperventilation, Lena slowly lost control of her own body, kicking and punching the air like a toddler having a tantrum. She clawed her fingers into the slick earth, desperately needing something to hold on, but couldn't keep still and started to stamp out against the ground. She knew that she had to stop, but she couldn't, being a total victim of her own emotions and overwhelmed by hate towards everything that had ever existed in the universe.

Lena slapped herself right in the face, hoping that it would stop the outburst. It barely helped. It only made her feel her own tears on her fingers, and Lena continued screaming her aggression into the chilling air. Breathing got harder and harder and Lena took turns in slapping the ground and her own face. Acrylic nails scratched down her neck, leaving small bloody marks on pale skin before Lena started to rip her jacket from her body. It felt like restricting her, keeping her from breathing, strangling her, and even if a quiet voice inside of Lena's head whispered to her that she was hallucinating, she couldn't believe it. 

At this point, it wasn't even about Kara or Alex or work anymore. It was now about everything. Everything was annoying, everything was too much, everything was cruel. Lena didn't want the wind to touch her face in a breeze, she didn't want the leaves around her to crinkle, she didn't want the ground to be wet. She hated the sky for being blue, she hated her jacket for being warm, she hated her tears for being wet and she hated herself for existing and lying here and hating everything. 

The breakdown lasted for what felt like an eternity until Lena's eyes found a silhouette between two oaks. Blue eyes met hers, and Lena's body became still when she recognized the face.

*** * ***

Kara stood still as she stared at Lena lying on the ground. She had searched for the designer after Winn had told her about how he had seen an angry Lena rushing out of the building, and she had been quite sure about Lena having talked about the forest as a _safe place_ before. Still, her expectations of finding Lena hadn't been very big, and she definitely didn't expect to see her colleague crashing into a full mental breakdown.

Of course it was Lena who was stained by blood and tears and dirt, but Kara felt just like it was herself. Lena's gaze rested on her face while the other woman caught her breath, and it felt like the eye contact was transferring every single one of Lena's feelings into Kara's soul.

Maybe it was being hypersensitive and overly empathetic, or maybe it was liking Lena so much. But everything that Kara knew at this point was that she couldn't bare what she saw. She turned around and started to make her way back towards the street.

"Kara."

Kara turned around, but she didn't make the mistake to look directly at Lena again. Instead, she stared at a dead flower at her feet that might have been white ages ago. 

Lena's voice trembled as she tried to talk. Kara could almost hear the tears wanting to overcome the other woman once more, but Lena did an extraordinarily good job at holding them back. She either was a natural or had trained herself not to cry, and Kara was quite sure that the latter option was true.

"Kara, I'm sorry. I... This isn't because of you. I swear. It's... It's a disorder. Okay?"

Lena took a sharp breath that seemed to crack the air, and Kara was still busy thinking about why she should relate Lena's breakdown to herself. Then, the designer added: "I'm sick, okay? I can't control that. You gotta believe me."

Kara believed her, of course she did, she had issues herself, she knew how that felt. She knew exactly how it felt not being able to control her own feelings and always having to listen to people telling her "just pull yourself together, it's not that bad". But she never hurted herself or punched a tree or screamed endlessly into the sky, and she couldn't even imagine how bad Lena felt.

It broke her heart, and Kara felt like drowning. She knew that she couldn't watch this, and she knew that she had to keep herself from Lena what made it even worse. Not because she was scared but because she knew that it could bring back her panic attacks. 

"Kara!"

Lena was barely talking, it was only a whimper that fell from her lips when Kara turned away. But to the writer it was like one of the previous screams, and it still echoed in her mind when she arrived at home.


End file.
